Southwest Airlines

I just flew it for the first time. And I decided that I, like most SWA flyers, really like the company.

My reasons for liking it are simple.

1. There were hearts up all over the plane that said things like “We’re thankful for our customers.”

2. The stewards and stewardesses were not bitchy gay men or made-up, tired women. They were friendly and wore khakis and spoke with authentic Texan accents.

3. Their motto, “A symbol of freedom,” is not bullshit.

I’d like to explain that last one. For those of you unfamiliar with SWA’s mode of operation, the airline eschews the feudal structure most air travel involves in favor of first come first serve seating. If you print out your ticket at home, you are essentially a first class SWA citizen, able to walk to the front of the line without revealing anything about your salary save that it enables you to access a printer.

Shame is therefore built out of the system. Not only are Class A types exactly where they want to be, the same is likely true for perennial Class C citizens like myself.

Because here’s my secret: I enjoy getting on to the plane last.

It gives me more time to read – which is good, since I’m dreamy – or finish up a phone conversation – which is good, since I’m talkative – I cut down my wait in line thereby maximizing my time seated – which is good, since I’m lazy – and the options for seating once I board the plane are less – which is good, since I’m indecisive.

So whereas my friend Emma makes it a point to print out her ticket ahead of time, in keeping with her disciplined, MBA personality, I make it a point to avoid all printers before my flight. Make mine Class C, I shout from internal mountaintops, making me, like Southwest Airlines, a symbol of freedom.